For Zane

A week ago my cousin Zane passed away. I'm really going to miss him.

My favorite picture of the two of us--Zane showing/teaching me something, as usual

Growing up, Zane was by far my closest cousin to me on my mom's side. We (my brothers and I) were some of the youngest cousins, and Zane was only 2 years older than me. My Aunt Jan's family has lived in Rexburg for as long as I can remember, and we went up there at least twice a year (every Easter and sometime in the summer) if not more often. Although I loved hanging out with his older sisters (and I feel closer to them now) most of my memories at their house involve Zane.

One of my earliest memories of Zane (I was probably about 5) is that he always wanted to share everything with me. I remember going downstairs into his room and he had this tent-bed. You got into the bed by opening this zipper and then once inside you could zip yourself back in. He wanted me to be able to sleep in there with him, but my mom made me sleep on the hide-a-bed with her instead. It was hard to go to sleep that night. I think she snored.

One Sunday morning (possibly Easter Sunday?) Aunt Jan was yelling at everyone to get ready for church. I already had my dress on, but I went down the stairs with Zane as he was going to get ready. His older brother Dallin was at the bottom of the stairs, lying on his back. Every time Zane tried to get past him to get dressed, Dallin kicked him back onto the stairs. Finally Zane went upstairs crying to get his mom to intervene. Poor Zane.

Another memory I have of Zane occurred on another Sunday. Zane wanted to watch a movie (he ALWAYS loved movies), so we had to watch a Living Scripture one since it was Sunday. We watched about Nephi and the brass plates. Later when we went to church, I must have been scared to go to my own Sunday School class where I didn't know anyone that time because I went to Zane's class. Lo and behold, we were talking about Nephi and brass plates in class too! We were talking about how Laban passed out after drinking wine, and Zane interrupted, "No, first he burped, and THEN he passed out!" Thank you, Living Scriptures, for adding that artistic detail that doesn't exist in scripture.

I remember other times in later years sleeping in Zane's top bunk bed when their room was upstairs, and playing computer games with him. We tried playing monopoly on the computer, and he had rigged a way that he could change what the computer dice showed was when it was his turn, but when I wanted to do it, he said it wouldn't work for me.  He was amazing at computer and video games. As we got older I walked into the computer room once while he was playing WarCraft. He knew all the secret codes to make his armies stronger, get more gold, etc. I watched him as he typed in the code to get more money over and over, but I he typed and entered it in so fast I couldn't ever read it. I think my brothers and I had to bribe him (probably with candy) to get him to tell us, or maybe my brother Andrew figured it out (who was also could type very fast). It was "glittering prizes."

Zane really became a friend when I was about fourteen. I remember going up one time and being at the house for a couple of hours before he walked into the door. As soon as he saw me he greeted me and invited to take me on a ride. We got in the car and he dove me around. I can't remember what he was talking about, but it was something like he'd give some crazy scenario and end with, "That would be SWEET!" The way he said it just cracked me up, and I was laughing hysterically. I think we got pizza together. I just felt so comfortable with Zane and even though he was a cousin, it made me feel special that he would spend time with me when I generally didn't feel very comfortable around guys at that age.

Later that year we attended Rick's College first ballroom dance camp together. We weren't partners for the dance portion, but we still spent a lot of time together. The last night there was a five course, formal dinner. Zane and I sat at the same table with four other girls. At first, Zane was pretty excited to be the only guy with five other girls at the table. But then the etiquette teacher explained that part of the dinner was that every time a girl stood up to leave the table, all the men had to stand up and help her in/out of her chair. That meant for Zane, when ANY of us got up to leave or move, he had to get up. I remember about a third of the way Zane getting frustrated and making "humph" sounds and "Sheesh!" It was pretty humorous. I wish I had a picture, but when I looked through my scrapbook that roll of film was double exposed and ruined all but half a picture of that event.

We became good dancing buddies. Zane went on to become an amazing dancer, and it was a big part of his life for a long time. He was fairly tall, but pretty slender. However, that didn't stop him from doing amazing lifts with girls. He tried to teach me some and was a very patient teacher. I took him to a ballroom dance at Weber State once with some of my high school friends. When I look back now, it's not surprising to me to realize that most of my guy friends in high school, particularly my sophomore year, were Zane's age.

When we weren't dancing Zane would talk to me about computers and all the cool things hackers did, and how to make this and that more to the latest standard, how he wished he had money to invest in stock in Palm Pilot when it went public. Even when the things he said were way over my head, he always knew how to explain it in a way I understood. He was always doing updates on our computers and trying to make things as efficient as possible. It's not surprising when he got married he found a wife who was a master at being efficient.  We also shared personal things as well, and I remember him even sharing parts of his Patriarchal Blessing with me.

When I was a entered college he moved from Idaho and I didn't get to see him much after that, which was too bad. I did see him shortly after he signed up for the Air Force, and again after he'd been in the military for a year or two. He talked with me about ways to share the gospel with people in casual ways just before I went on my mission, and kind of told me about things he had done to talk about the Church.

While he was in the military he noticed ways that it could be improved. He could see the different branches of military were not coordinating the way they could, and single-handedly created and designed a program to help the problem called "Unicorn." The military sold the program for $1 million, and gave him $100 for his contribution (thank you Uncle Sam :). Zane could tell he was going to make a lot more out of the military, so he left when his four years were up and ended up working for the company that had bought the program to maintain it. He also went on and got his Master's in Computers, with the encouragement of his wife. Even though he's been out of the military for several years, he had the highest military clearance that anyone had in the company. He had access to every branch of military--army, navy, air force, CIA, and more acronyms that I don't know. It was extremely classified--beyond top secret. Even his close family members had no idea what he was actually doing until he passed away

The last time I saw him was in October 2008 when I traveled all the way from Provo to Rexburg for just one night. I was going that particular weekend for a baby shower, but I wanted to also see Zane and his wife and two children. My mom and I got to see him and get to know his wife Victoria a little. I really enjoyed seeing him and I wish we could have spent more time together in recent years. Since then we've only communicated by email a couple of times.

On September 6, just four weeks ago, he was diagnosed with stomach and liver cancer. The doctors gave him a 40% chance to live. The doctors started to get more information on the cancer to know what kind of chemo to start. On September 18, his entire family, both parents and siblings, went out to visit him in Virginia before he started chemo. Although he was in a lot of pain, he made an effort to visit with them and they got to have some quality time together.

That Saturday, September 22, his siblings flew home and it was just his parents and one sister that lived three hours away from him left. His pain turned intense and his wife rushed him to the hospital, an hour and a half away. Upon arrival, he was told he had only hours left to live. The cancer he had was so aggressive, it was already everywhere, despite that it was only two weeks since he'd been diagnose. He was sent home after being stabilized, and passed away at home about 36 hours later.

Zane was a good friend, a loyal husband, and dedicated dad. The day before he was rushed to the hospital for the last time, he was helping his oldest daughter with homework as he laid on the couch in pain. When his boss visited him in the hospital, Zane asked if he'd found someone to replace him yet. His boss answered, "It'll take 10 people to replace you." Right now 12 people are working constantly to just maintain the Unicorn program he created. At the memorial service in Virginia, another military official approached his parents and told them that the program he designed was saving lives. It meant a lot to them.

I'm thankful for the friend he was to me and for building my confidence in myself when I needed it. He had a huge impact on my life and I'll always remember Zane.